Changes

It has been a long time since I posted!!  A lot has happened.  I finished my teaching obligation and returned to rotations full time.  I was quite anxious going back into rotations.  I felt as though my medical knowledge was lacking, like I had forgotten a LOT in the 6 months of teaching.  Much to my relief I hadn't forgotten nearly as much as I thought I had.  My first rotation back was Internal Medicine.  I should preface my IM experience by saying that I had a very good educational experience.  However, the truth is... I HATE IM.  There isn't anything attractive about rolling out of bed at 6am to sit in the hospital all day doing paperwork and seeing/listening to sick, whining adults!  Despite my dislike for the field it was a great learning experience.  Primarily because it exposed some of my academic weaknesses but also because that is one specialty that is absolutely off of my list of potential career choices!
Next has come ER.  I have to say that before beginning this rotation I was slightly dreading ER.  Throughout my entire premedical and medical school careers I have been certain without a doubt that I was going to HATE the ER.  I am not entirely sure where this assumption was born.  However, I was convinced that I would be absolutely no good at high adrenaline situations, nor would I enjoy the procedures and mostly that I would hate the lack in continuity of care. I have even gone as far as to look for residency curriculum with the fewest ER rotations.  Needless to say I am more shocked that anyone to say that I have absolutely loved my ER rotation.  As a matter of fact this is the first rotation that I have had that has made me question doing OB/GYN!  Unfortunately, this means that I am back to the drawing board analyzing my options and I HATE indecision.  This choice is so hard! 
One of the hardest parts is that everything that I have done over the course of the last 4 years was to set my self up for OB.  All of my extra-curricular activities have been related to women's health.  So even looking at ER residencies makes me feel overwhelmed and out of my league! I feel like a C student looking into Ivy League Colleges.  In the mean time I sit here making pro/con lists comparing OB and ER and getting no where.  Sometimes I am not sure how much I truly LOVE OB/GYN and how much of it is that I have simply told myself that I LOVE OB/GYN for so long that I have convinced myself that I do.  There are some major drawbacks with Ob: lifestyle and malpractice being two HUGE ones.  And there are some major pluses to ER: one being lifestyle (you do your shift and go home, done, over, no call!) and another being that it is a nice mix of medicine and procedures, not to mention that each time you hear "patient for triage" it is kind of like opening a present on Christmas...you never know what you will get. Despite my attempts at comparison one of the things I keep coming back to is that I don't LOOK or feel like an ER doc by I feel like I LOOK and feel like an OB.  Yes, I realize that that sounds slightly crazy and definitely trivial.  For the time being I am trying NOT to decide and rather to simply muse over my choices carefully and quietly without jumping into a decision...Unfortunately, I have to apply to residency in July so my musing can't take too long. 
My husband always says I am lucky to have gone to medical school because when I am done I will be a doctor.  I won't have to face a newspaper armed only with an empty piece of paper that represents my education.  I won't have to decide what I want to do with my life.  What he doesn't realize is that I face the same dilemma only choosing my specialty is choosing what I will do for the rest of my career. It isn't as easy as going back to the newspaper and finding a new or more fitting career.  In medicine you are relatively locked into your choice. Ugh, the pressure...